Letting Go Of My Past

In the last few weeks, probably in the last few months, I have been very Conscious of wanting to be in the Now and Letting Go Of My Past.  There are many life experiences in my Past that have led me to my Present moment and yet these life experiences and relationships do come up in conversation and take up my mental energy.  I also had concerns about storing pain from my Past in my body, that I was carrying emotions that are causing aches in my back and a heaviness on my shoulders.  

I am so Grateful that I was blessed with a happy childhood, with the Abundance of Love.  From my Past I carry these Gifts of Love, Joy, Gratitude and a Positive Attitude.  

And I have also carried the sorrow and sadness of the last 8-10 years.  I have carried the pain and darkness and black memories of marriage and divorce and times of depression.  I have carried the feelings of rejection by others and also by myself.  I have carried the burden of wearing masks, searching for love and acceptance, searching for love and acceptance and happiness outside of myself.  I have carried guilt and regret.  I have made bad decisions.  I have carried stress and pressure in my Career when I have been working in areas that do not make my heart sing.  Many times I have not listened to my Intuition when I have been at the crossroads.

And yet all is different for me now.  And I am Grateful for my Path and my Journey.  I Trust all of my life experiences have served me.  The experience of getting married and divorced taught me the importance of being in my Heart and following my Intuition.  It has also served to remind me of the importance of Divine Love and Divine Union.  My experiences of being in depression, down in the dark, black hole taught me so much about the blackness.  In my blackness, I am so Grateful that my Mum and some very kind friends sat with me - they didn't try to pull or push me, they just sat with me.  When I found my way back to the Light, I felt Inspired to work and help people, to work in Service.  My Past experiences Inspired me to become a Coach, to catch people who may be about to fall into a black hole or to work with people so that they find their own Light and Love of Self and Create a Life they Love.  As a Coach I also have deep empathy and compassion for all others, and I also feel that I can see the signs as possible check-ins around support and care if people are in distress.  I have also been Grateful for the many relationships that have served me to better understand myself and others.  It was only when I decided last year what I deserved and wrote a list of everything I deserved in an intimate relationship that my Man appeared in my life.  The 4 years before then, I question my own level of self-worth, where I often settled for less than what I deserved.  In my work as a Coach I am Inspired to help Clients realise their own Love of Self, their Uniqueness and Greatness and also work with them to be clear about their Heart's desires and put their Dreams into ACTION.  

I am Grateful for my Past and all of these lessons will serve me in my Lifework as a Coach.  And yet I also want to let go of the heaviness and the pain.  I feel like all of these life experiences in the last decade are chapters in a book and I am putting the book on the bookshelf - the book is closed.  By closing the book, I can be truly and absolutely Present in my new book.

I definitely see the benefits of looking back on the Past to acknowledge the lessons and Gifts.  There are also benefits to seeing the Jewels of the Past - perhaps activities or adventures that I loved - the Gems that brought me Aliveness and Joy. I am able to look back over my Career and this has given me clues for my Purpose of Spread The Yellow.  For me I also recently remembered how much I loved sewing and I can't wait to sew again.  I also always remember how much I love Running and yet for now this is in my Past.  Even today when I caught a sight of the 'City To Surf'' I remembered how much I loved Running.  And yet I do not want to waste my mental energy or even conversation around what I "used to do" - instead I can Trust that I will run again and for NOW I will enjoy Walking and Yoga and weekend resting.  I will enjoy NOW.

Last weekend I enjoyed the 'Life Quality and Design' Course and it was wonderful to Create a Vision  Board for my Life that involves: Love ever after, loving being a Mum, Connection with Friends, Balance, Health and Self-Care, Space and Calm at Home, Space for my Coaching, Community Service, Space for Creativity of Sewing, Craft, Writing, Photography.  At the Centre is My Yellow Heart - Love, Light, Truth and Peace. 

Over the weekend I also realised that there was a Part in me that has been keeping me stuck in the Past.  A Part of me that was trying to Protect me.  This Part of me has been around a long time, probably about 10 years and was always the Part that was searching for more, searching and curious and always wanting to do something different, always collecting ideas and thinking and thinking and thinking.  This Part of me creates clutter in my home, office, mind.  And yet I have realised that I can release this Part of me, as I am now very clear about my Life Design and can be more organised and focused - I can live in simplicity and with Space.

I have been talking to my own Coach about a Letting Go Of My Past ritual, and yet it now seems ironic, as by talking about my Past I have been still keeping it alive.  Now that I have a clear Life Design, and the Vision is so clear, I do not want to waste energy.  I want to be focused and I also want to allow Space for the rising of my Spirit.  At the end of the Course, I realised that the ritual for me was about walking out the door and leaving the Past behind me, the charge associated with my Past, the time wasted talking or thinking about my Past.  It was a decision and a Commitment.  I do believe - as one door closes, another door opens.

As I walked out the door of my classroom I felt light and free.  And it made me laugh when I was driving home and saw the number plate "BE FREE" - the Universe is in full support of me.

In Letting Go Of My Past I can enjoy the NOW.  I enjoy Peace.  I feel free in my mind and live in My Yellow Heart.  I enjoy being in the moment with my Man.  Last Saturday night was a year since my Man and I enjoyed our first date and he surprised me with "Terrific Tapas" and we enjoyed a great night.

I am Grateful for the Gifts each day, the surprises and delights.  Just today when I was getting ready to begin my day, I was invited by a Friend to join her and her two children on a trip to see the whales at Kurnell.  I only had 5 minutes to get ready and I embraced the opportunity and loved being out in the sunshine and catching up with my Friend.  And then today I enjoyed a lunch with my Man's Mum and Friends and I was able to just relax and be Present.

Letting Go Of My Past means that I AM NOW FREE.  I make the Commitment to Honour NOW and Trust in my Future.  I make the Commitment to not waste my energy in my mind or in ACTION.  I am Grateful for the Gift of my Life.  I Honour My Self.

The Organiser In Me

As part of my Preparation for my College Course of 'Life Quality and Design' I have been working through the Structured Processes of: The Ideal Scene, Wheel Of Life, Energy Leaks Inventory, Procrastinations Task Completion Sheet - and now time to look at Adrenaline.   

Reading about Adrenaline from an excerpt from 'Take Time For Your Life' by Cheryl Richardson is helpful.  "Various types of fuel give us energy needed to take action.  Some fuels are better than others.  For example, energy that comes from exercise, nutritious food, and the love and support of great people fuels you and supports your long-term health in a positive way.  Other energy sources such as adrenaline, caffeine, sugar, and anxiety may fuel you in intense bursts but ultimately put your health at risk." 

"Adrenaline is produced by the adrenal gland which regulates the body's fight-or-flight response to stimulating experiences.  These experiences can be positive and negative.  When you're late for an appointment and you hit a traffic jam, the rush of anxiety you feel sitting in the car is adrenaline.  When the deal you've been working on finally comes through, the excitement you feel also comes from adrenaline.  Adrenaline isn't bad, but when we develop habits like constantly running late or juggling too many projects at once, it gets us into trouble."

I take the Adrenaline test to see if this is fuelling me, by answering the following questions:

- Do you constantly overcommit yourself personally and professionally?  NO
- Do you double-book social engagements?  NO

- Are you usually late for appointments?  NO more than YES (I have been Consciously working on this to Honour others by Honouring appointments)

- Do you repeatedly check your voicemail or email throughout the day? Voicemail NO Email YES

- Is your schedule so full that there's no time left for you?  NO

- Do you feel lost without your beeper, cell phone, or laptop?  NO (Not anymore)

- Do you put things off to the last minute or use tight deadlines to get things done?  NO

- Do you find yourself in frequent conflicts with others?  NO

- Do you usually speed when driving?  NO

- Does it seem like your car's fuel gauge is always on or near empty?  YES

- Do you hate to stop and ask for or read directions?  NO

- Do you live on the edge financially?  NO

- Do you always feel pressed for time?  NO

- Do you put off making decisions or taking action in spite of the anxiety it causes?  NO

- Does the thought of being bored make you nervous and uncomfortable?  NO

- If the phone rings as you're heading out the door, do you answer it anyway?  NO
- Do you wake in the middle of the night with your thoughts racing, unable to sleep?  NO

- Do you juggle several projects at once?  NO
- Are you constantly coming up with new ideas to pursue? NO

- Do you often forget to follow through on commitments?  NO

I read that if I answered 'YES' to five or more questions, this would mean that I am running on adrenaline.  "These behaviours generate the constant hum of anxiety, and this anxiety pumps adrenaline into your body."

It comes as no surprise to me that I am not running on adrenaline - and I am still glad to review the questions.  It is a helpful guide for me and my Coaching Clients.  Since I was made redundant in February 2010, I have Consciously made Choices to allow Space in my life.  As a result I feel a lot more relaxed and peaceful.

This is the second time that I have read these notes, and an area that does resonate with me, and has triggered new Awareness and Behaviour is - "Start arriving fifteen minutes early for every appointment you make.  This one action can have a dramatic impact on the adrenaline cycle... you're able to arrive early and relax beforehand.  Give yourself room to breathe."  This is the only time when I feel that rush of anxiety, when I am rushing for appointments.  And I am now Conscious of Honouring the time of others by making sure that I am on time for appointments.  And I am also planning to bring into habit the practice of being fifteen minutes early for appointments.    

Apart from my rush to appointments, I do feel relaxed.  And while I have allowed the Space and have been enjoying more Space, I now feel that it is time to bring in more of the Yang Organised and Planned Part of me.  I feel I have some big Goals and I need to be doing more.  This is not to suggest that I want to be running on adrenaline - this Activity has helped highlight to me what I do not want to change.  It also highlights to me how much I have changed over the years - I remember the time when I couldn't get to sleep since I had so many thoughts racing through my head and when I used to have so many Commitments that I was so stressed and anxious.  Hmm... I am definitely enjoying being in a more relaxed and peaceful state.

As I have been studying and learning about Archetypes I am now trying to get to know The Organiser In Me.  I am wanting to create order, take full responsibility and be a leader of my life and enjoy Success of my Goals.  

I read that the Role of the Ruler/ Organiser is "to blend the other Sub-Personalities into a continuous expression.  The Ruler/ Organiser makes the decisions to leave something and start a new (enacted by the Destroyer and the Creator).  The Organiser decides who will do what in order to ensure the completion of the Goal in a timely manner."

I really want to embrace The Organiser In Me.  I have a sense that if I make better use of my diary and make lists and try to take Steps every day towards my Goals, then this will serve me well.  I know that I need to bring in more of my Yang and yet I do not want to be too Planned or Ordered or Controlled or take up all of the Space with a tight schedule.  I still want to allow my Intuitive Yin to guide me.  

I am wanting The Organiser In Me to help me with my Business, and also to continue being more Organised at home.  I also want The Organiser In Me to make sure I am making time for Meditation, Yoga, Walking, eating right - so that I am getting the best kind of energy that will support my health in a positive way.

I enjoy reading in 'The Dark Side Of The Light Chasers' by Debbie Ford "There is nothing wrong with faith.  There is nothing wrong with affirmations.  But at some point you must take the Next Step.  Make a Commitment to have what you want in life and then make a plan to get it.  It's there waiting for you but most likely it won't fall into your lap.  If you want to know whether you're serious about changing something in your life, ask yourself if you have a plan of ACTION.  If the answer is no, go back and see if you're really committed to achieving your Goal.  A plan of ACTION ought to be written down on paper.  If it's only in your mind it may be more of a Dream than a plan.  Plans in our minds tend to get lost or forgotten, or pushed aside by everyday life.  Tell yourself you'll have more of a chance of achieving your Goal if you have it written down and keep it at hand."

It is time for The Organiser In Me to get my Creator Archetype and Sage Archetype together and start writing down my ACTION Plans.

Channel My Energy

I am loving some of the Yang, Structured Processes that can be used for Coaching Clients and which I am using for College and as an opportunity to Channel My Energy.

After looking at my Ideal Scene in 5 years and then looking at my current Wheel Of Life - the next Process is the Energy Leaks Inventory.  As written in my College notes "Your energy is one of your most precious resources.  It's time to look at where it is all going... Anything that we find ourselves 'tolerating', whether we are doing so consciously or unconsciously (such as through habit), drains our energy system.  This is a simple yet powerful concept.  'Energy Leaks' is both an internal and external matter.  Whilst we ultimately hold responsibility for how we respond (or react) to life, we can also call upon our empowerment to change external factors and thereby plug up these holes in our system.  For example, every time we look at an in-tray of papers that need to be dealt with, we actually lose energy on the thought itself.  The 'Oh-no, I haven't done that yet' is an Energy Leak in our system."

Reading the "Oh-no, I haven't done that yet" resonates with me and I realise that this very internal feeling is definitely an Energy Leak for me time and time again.  I have been enjoying being more Yin than Yang since February this year and I have a more Yin Preference - and so I wanting to bring more Yang, more ACTION, more doing into my life.  I love the Energy Leaks Inventory as it gives me a list of Possible Energy Leaks and then I can list a Possible Solution or ACTION.

My Goal or Vision for myself is to feel a sense of Vitality and Freedom where I am Consciously Choosing how to Channel My Energy.

I love this Process where I identify my Energy Leaks and Potential Solutions, including (and not limited to):

MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH

- Sometimes a sense of worry or stress - SOLUTION - Meditate 15-30 minutes/ day

- Lack of focus, concentration or organisation - SOLUTION - Better use of my diary to get organised

- Unhappy with appearance - SOLUTION - Grow my hair, review my wardrobe AND acceptance of me

PERSONAL AND SPIRITUAL GROWH

- Lacking sense of spiritual path - SOLUTION - Meditate 15-30 minutes/ day + Pray + be involved in Church Community

- Lacking sense of, or time for, fun - SOLUTION - Make more time for fun on a daily and weekly basis

- I miss being part of a Community that supports growth - SOLUTION - Be more involved in Bookstore Community, Church Community and Local Community

PHYSICAL HEALTH

- Lack of energy - SOLUTION - Walk at least 4 times/ week

- Unhealthy, unbalanced diet - SOLUTION - More time creating healthy recipes + no sweets Monday-Thursday

- Chronic pain or health condition - neck and back pain - SOLUTION - Commitment to Yoga 1-2 times/ week

- Too long since dental visit - SOLUTION - Book appointment to see the Specialist

- Particular health concern not yet addressed - neck and back pain - SOLUTION - Book a massage

RELATIONSHIPS

Friendships and Social Life

- Not enough contact with friends I value - SOLUTION - Organise monthly get togethers - movies, walks, tea and chat

- Unfinished Business - SOLUTION - Meditation and writing to let go of any ties to the past

- Lacking a loving and supportive Community - SOLUTION - Be involved in Church Community

Partner

- Not enough quality time with partner - SOLUTION - Time on a daily basis, rituals to Connect + weekly outing/ walk together

Family

- Family life feels heavy, obligatory or strained - SOLUTION - Not take on Family worry - love and support and trust my Family to take care of their own lives and focus on my own Journey

HOME ENVIRONMENT

- Home is cluttered and disorganised - SOLUTION - Need to spend time on a weekly basis to be organised in home - chunk it down, area by area - free up space and organise

- Garage - SOLUTION - Learn to sell by ebay, sell by ebay + organise Garage Sale

CAREER

- Working in wrong field - Monday-Wednesday - SOLUTION - Give my best at work and be open to other opportunities + build my Coaching Business which is my lifework

MONEY/ FINANCES

- Spend more than I earn - SOLUTION - Need to earn more - work an extra day where there is the opportunity + build my Coaching Business + live to my Budget

- Credit Rating - SOLUTION - Review Credit Rating and ensure all of the correct details

- Need an up-to-date will - SOLUTION - Organise a will within the next 6 months

- Feeling worried about money - SOLUTION - Stick to a Budget + Channel My Energy into building my Business

- Superannuation unorganised - SOLUTION - Review all Plans and organise.

After completing this Activity, I then move to the 'Tackling Procrastinations' Worksheet.  

I list down 5 things I have been Procrastinating about which are 5 of the Items from the above listing including: Yoga, Meditation, Ebay, Garage Sale + Superannuation.  I then rank their importance and also add in a date Commitment.   From a Procrastination List, I now have Specific and Measurable Goals - that are definitely Achievable.  And I feel Inspired to honour these Commitments.

I am also going to continually work on all of the SOLUTIONS of the Energy Leaks in my Life.  I am Committed to being the best I can be on a Personal Level, so that this will allow me to Channel My Energy into being the best Coach that I can be for my Clients.  By understanding the effectiveness of these Processes, they also offer the opportunity to be excellent tools for my Clients to help them on their Journey.

I am happy that I am making my Health a Priority - where I have been concerned that I ranked this at a 2 on my Wheel Of Life in terms of Satisfaction with this Area in my life.  Now that I am Walking more and as I have started Yoga, these are positive steps in the right direction.

In my Brochure I ask 'Do You Love Your Life?' and state 'SHINE Coaching Can Help You Put Your Dreams Into Action'.  And for me I also Choose to Honour these words and Channel My Energy to put my Dreams Into Action.  And even if I am not living my Ideal Scene, where I do not have a 10 out of 10 for every Area of my Life, I can Honestly and Openly say that I do Love My Life.  I am Grateful.  I am Blessed.  I am Loved.  I have Joy.  I have Choices.  Thank you God.  Thank you Universe.

I Can't Wait

My Artwork of Values is now in my Bedroom, it is great to see these Words first thing in the morning.

I look at the word Health and I know that this is very important to me.  And I am not feeling very Healthy right now - probably because I ate chocolate last night, which always makes me feel sick (and yes, I eat it anyway - yes, I am so not perfect).  I also know that I have nothing in the cupboard for breakfast - we have eaten all the fruit and I have not replaced my cereal.  If I was to put on a Scale how I feel in relation to my Ideal Health between 1 and 10 with 10 being the Ideal - I would probably be at a 2 or 3.

I have a sleep in - I feel like I am getting enough  in terms of hours of sleep and yet I still wake up tired - I feel like my night of dreams, where I always remember the adventure or drama, leave me exhausted.  I put on some Meditation music - this is a perfect way to start my day.

In my Mediation, I feel myself going deeper and deeper into a relaxed state.  The image of me lying on a picnic rug with a Baby and my Man nearby comes to my mind's eye - this is our Baby - it is a beautiful image.  In the Meditation I have a sense that I must prepare now, I must make Health a Priority - prepare my body for having our Baby.  When I come out of the meditative state, I feel at peace.  Having a baby is my greatest heart's desire - and this is a great motivation to look after myself.  I Google 'Preparing to have a baby' and I see that it is important to prepare my body 3-12 months in advance - folate seems a Priority - and the importance of not being underweight or overweight, and not eating certain foods such as raw fish.  I am very interested to learn more.  I even go to the library and look up books to find out what I should and shouldn't be eating.  I have had some Health concerns over the last 10 years - and I have a strong sense that I will be a Mum - and I know I have to do everything I can to make this dream come true.

I have a lovely day with my Family.  I enjoy time with my Mum and Dad - we enjoy a walk around Cronulla, along the beach and enjoy lunch at Cronulla RSL - I just love spending time with my Parents.

While walking with my Parents, I am continually, constantly, so consciously looking at Babies and Children.  I always love seeing Children with their Parents - I just Love Children.  I Can't Wait to have my own Baby - I Can't Wait.  In Coaching, there is a question about - What do you ache for?  For me the answer is obvious - I Can't Wait until I have a Baby - this will be my Greatest Wish, my Greatest Gift.

After lunch we walk to the park where I am very Excited to see my Gorgeous Nieces.  Little Brooke (who is turning 2 years old in September) is with my Dad and she runs over - I love seeing my Dad with my Nieces, his Granddaughters.  My Mum just loves spending time with Brooke - probably because the day Brooke was born was the day that Mum found out she had a brain tumor - miraculously, thank God, Mum is enjoying wonderful times with Brooke - who makes us smile.

I then love seeing my Nieces Ashley (7 in August) and Olivia (4 in July) run towards me.  My Nieces bring me so much Joy.  I love my Nieces - I can't imagine loving more - and yet I Can't Wait until I become a Mum.  And I Can't Wait to look at my Baby, our Baby - I love the feeling of having a Baby with my Man.

I love the day with my Family and I love that my Brother and Sister-In-Law and my Nieces call over to our Home and we have fun playing computer games and dancing - my Nieces are so beautiful.

 
I Love them.  I Can't Wait to introduce them to their Cousin when we have our Baby.

I am 39 years old in 4 months from next Tuesday - and so I decide that I have to make some changes.  I have to move my 2-3 on my Health Scale to a 10.  I am doing my Research and feeling into my Intuition as to what feels right.  I decide that I will put a hold on my Running until after I have a Baby as I know my Running has in the past affected my cycle - and so I will continue to enjoy my Walking.  I am also DEFINITELY planning to start Yoga - I have been talking about Yoga for over a year - my Commitment is to have been to at least 1 Yoga Class in the next 2 weeks.

I am also planning to be more serious about my diet - I have started buying Organic Fruit and Vegetables - and my preference is Vegetarian and even though I love Animals, I am now wanting a Baby and so I need to continue to educate myself on the best Choices for myself.

I Can't Wait to have a Baby.  I Can't Wait!!!  I am so Grateful that I have a Wonderful Man to share my life and I look forward to the day when we hold our Baby in our arms.